I <3 Sleep

Posted by PICKLES AND CHEESE on October 22, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I was sitting up at about 3am last night, the night before the big ‘sleep in’, the night before the first time I would be able to feel what its like to wake up without the loud-the-world-is-ending-death-sound ringing and disturbing my dreams of super stardom in Asia…and I couldn’t fall asleep.

I thought back to my childhood and I realized that I had not progressed in the slightest. I am still the little girl standing at the top of the staircase to hear the adults laugh and drink too much. I am still the one who goes down to the kitchen five times to get a glass of water. I am definitely still the one that is scared to miss one moment that I should have been involved in. I am absolutely the girl who still can’t say no.

I will now, of course, blame my shortcomings on my parents. Thanks guys. Can you still blame mom and dad at 26? -another proof that I will never grow up.

Note: My parents got me involved in everything- I was in drama club, swimming, dance class, karate, soccer, choir….you name it, I was in it….and hated every moment…but that is the pact that lovers make in the heat of the moment, and the one my parents made four times- to raise ungrateful, dramatic, horrible little beasts.

Despite all this, I feel totally left out and cannot say no to people in fear that I will be leaving them out and missing out on some wonderful, exciting,crazy adventure. Anyone that knows me will testify to my neurotic behavior. I have even agreed to do things I know nothing about and know I would have to work five times as hard to complete. Par example: I agreed..or rather…volunteered to translate my former company’s directional plan into french…by the end of the day…I had not taken French since grade eleven in high school. I was totally fucked. Thank you Internet.

More recently, I agreed to DJ a big event and I’m totally not a DJ. I have a radio show with a friend of mine. HUUUGE difference. Now we’re being marketed as an image and we have to deliver-AND PEOPLE WILL SEE US! AHHHHHH! Radio is much more kind. Now I know you’re thinking “it can’t be that hard”…and that’s what I’ve told myself as well, but I still want to shit my pants.

There are other things too-but let’s not take off all my clothes so all of my crazy shows…just trust me…I say “I’ll do it!” to everything…the crazy part is…I do most of it and it turns out pretty good. Right now though…Saturday’s big event may see me crash Maybe you’ll be there to see me fall!

This inherent need to be a part of everything has lately found my skin stretched so thin that everything bruises and things that would usually bounce, make me bleed.

This morning the clock flashed 10am and I smiled, rolled over and stayed in bed for another hour.

So thank you morning, for letting me sleep through the cold walk into your darkness and miss out on your sunrise. I wonder what happened.

X LolaJ